Sunday, March 5, 2017

Better to walk than swim

Ever tried to walk on water? You might, if you knew what might be lurking, even beckoning, from within your swimming pool.

And I don't mean the chlorine...

Picture this: you're finally on that long-planned, saved-for vacay in the best 5 star hotel on the planet. Why the best hotel? Because you hope to avoid bed bugs, of course. Does it have a swimming pool? Of course! That's another reason why you chose it and dug deeeeep into your kids' college fund to support your lavish vacay. This mega-resort also has a hot tub - a bonus.

So after checking into the Penthouse Suite, you get your Phelps on and trot down to the Olympic-sized sea of pristine azure water, primed with anticipation of the bliss that awaits. No need to shower or anything else. You're potty-trained. With a sigh, your body folds into the welcoming warm water, the closest you can get to a day at the beach. Ahhhhhh...bliss!

Suddenly the urge to pee is tapping you on the shoulder, in the pelvis, and everywhere in between. You can think of nothing else, but the trek back to the room is out of the question. You just got here. You decide to hold it in. Mistake. Pretty soon you can think of nothing else.Your swimming enjoyment is irreversibly interrupted as your bladder threatens to erupt. No one will know if one will know. It's only water. Plus everyone else is doing it sooooo...ahhhhhh...blissssssssss! 

Uh-oh there's more to come and even with all that you've shelled out on this luxury property, you dare not get your money's worth. At least not this way. So swimmus interruptus, you get your Phelphs off mentally and high tail it back to the Penthouse where the porcelain Throne awaits and you can just be you.

Did you know that tests show that hotel pools contain on average 20 gallons of urine? Private home pools weigh in less at around 2 gallons of the yellow stuff. Hot tubs were found to contain even greater concentrations of urine-infestation.

Swim anyone? 

I'll pass